XIV- When the wolves run where you can’t follow
Change is sneaky.
It can happen so subtly, you don’t notice it until something—or someone—drags you up for air, and you look around…and you don’t recognize anything. Here I am, sitting in my rocking chair in my messy-as-fuck office, a paper mache mask drying on my desk, surrounded by gold leaf flakes and acrylic paints and brushes from a painting that’s half done on my shelf. There’s a sketched drawing on the floor at my feet next to a demin jacket I’ve been sewing patches on, which I’m planning to bleach paint and sew a hood onto…not to mention the bead boxes and wire and sea glass and chains…
And instead of wolves in my mind’s eye, there’s a siren. G to E minor has become drop D and B flat minor and B flat major. The words to the soundtrack have changed.
“I am altered.”
All the landmarks have shifted.
#
I don’t like Yesterwynde.
There. I’ve said it.
It’s fine. It’s inevitable, really. Bands change over time, they experiment, they lose and shuffle members. Tastes change, life happens. Eventually, there’s bound to be a divergence. By the time Hanson released Shout It Out and then Anthem, I’d all but moved on from the person who needed that kind of music, and I was also deep in the symphonic metal scene at that point.
It’s been years since I’ve been in a Hanson mood. I haven’t kept up. I haven’t missed it. There’s fondness but no craving.
I remember when Within Temptation put out Hydra. I hated it. Right on the heels of The Unforgiving, which was so good, came this experimental mish-mash of music that was just all over the place. I liked a scant few songs, but most of it was not to my taste at all, which hurt to admit. My trust was on thin ice for a while. Then they put out Resist, which locked in their current sound, and I loved it. Trust, restored; excitement, high. Hydra was just a missed step in the dark, and over the years, I’ve actually warmed up to a lot of the tracks I didn’t initially like.
So. What disturbed me about my reaction to Yesterwynde was not so much that I didn’t like it. As I said, Nightwish was bound to put out something not to my taste at some point. Maybe I’ll like the next one. Maybe I’ll warm up to this one, like I did with Hydra.
No, what disturbed me was how my disappointment was more akin to what I’d felt about growing away from Hanson rather than the missed step that was Hydra. It was realizing that if Nightwish never puts out another album, if all I’ll ever have of them is what already exists…I’d be okay with that.
I don’t need it.
I don’t need it.
(Don’t get me wrong. I want them to continue making music for as long as Mr. Holopainen still has stories to tell. I will be here for it. But there’s a difference between want and need.)
(What is it like to be a casual fan of something?)
Maybe I should have known it was coming when I started noticing recycled riffs in Endless Forms Most Beautiful, the bits that reminded me a bit too much of older songs. When it took me more than two or three listens for some of those songs to click for me. But so many of those songs were so good…and then I went to Kitee.
Kitee really was the end of more than I knew at the time, I think. I followed the wolves to the edge of the world. Where else was there to go after that?
Human: Nature came out. It was too fucking short, first of all. 9 songs? Well, there were the instrumental tracks, which I’d been looking forward to, and they were just…okay. A bit bland, if I’m being honest. However, the proper songs were doing some interesting things, taking the band in a slightly different direction, and I was still mostly on board.
2020 happened.
Delain fell apart.
Nightwish lost Marko.
Epica’s Omega was all right, but Epica has always been a band I only expect to like a third to half of any given album. Lacuna Coil I’d honestly already skipped out on after Karmacode, and although I unexpectedly really liked Dark Adrenaline, I hadn’t properly followed them in a while. Kamelot’s hit or miss for me. I was subsisting on The Birthday Massacre, Eluveitie (who are often borderline too growly/screamy for my taste), and getting pulled back to AFI (who have always been very hit or miss for me), to Fall Out Boy (who dropped So Much (For) Stardust like a revelation in 2023), to Panic! at the Disco. Sure, Within Temptation released one of the best albums I’ve ever heard from them (even though their new sound is losing its metal edge and gaining…atmosphere, scale, polish, electronica, whatever you call it), but otherwise, it was starting to feel like all my favorite bands’ glory days were behind them.
Then Sleep Token crashed in and…I was ready.
I hate that I was ready. I didn’t mean to be.
#
I have been eating well, as far as music goes. (I know that has contributed to me not feeling as heartbroken over Yesterwynde as I thought I should be.)
Delain recovered. I’m still a little impressed they managed it. I was iffy on Apocolypse and Chill, if I’m being honest, although I will never cease to be amused they released an album with that name in April of 2020. Dark Waters is at least on a level with Moonbathers. They’ve still got it. The new singer, Diana Leah, sounds fabulous. I’m looking forward to what’s coming from them.
(Diana Leah has covered several Sleep Token songs.)
Linkin Park is back. I never expected them to recover after losing Chester. There’s been some controversy over the lead singer, which I know very little about and frankly, I don’t feel like looking up. On vocal chops alone, she’s fire. I’m excited for their upcoming album, which feels so good. New Linkin Park? The heartbreak of One More Light isn’t the last word? Please. I will take that win.
(Sleep Token just opened for them in Paris. I was this close to buying tickets, wild as that sounds.)
I’ve got a few new bands on my radar. Bad Omens’ THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND is one of those albums that’s just a pleasure to listen to from beginning to end. Bring Me the Horizon has some bangers, as does Holding Absence. Spiritbox is interesting, although maybe a bit growly.
(All discovered through the Sleep Token fandom.)
Daughtry has gone properly metal, which pleases me.
Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil liked one of II’s Instagram posts.
…do you ever feel like your entire disparate world is converging on your current obsession, and you’re so here for it?
#
Yeah. Nightwish did that. Remember?
When I went to my first Nightwish show, it felt like a whole world opened up to me. They became the fulcrum of every bit of poetry in my head, every new discovered band, every piece of art. It felt like everyone in that genre knew each other, collaborated on each other’s work, etc.
I know this convergence. I know this feeling. It’s a beginning, but it’s also an ending, and endings are always bittersweet.
this bough has broken through
i must be someone new
Perhaps it’s fitting that we’re about to move to North Carolina in a couple months, which we just got confirmation on today.
Time for a clean slate, in more ways than one.
